The truth is most men have no idea how women think!! I’m sorry, it’s the truth. We are literally from different planets cohabiting on planet Earth. So the KC Team hooked the KC men up by having a panel of single, engaged, courting and married women to give them a rare insight into what we’re actually thinking and how we see relationships and courting. I hope the guys who were there were taking notes. It’s true what they say: “Knowledge is Power”.
Men and women may have similar challenges when it comes to being single but I think it’s fair to say that there’s a lot more pressure on women because of our perceived ‘biological clock’ even though we serve the Author of time that is not subject to time but time is subject to him. They clearly haven’t read the story of Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 17). If God caused Sarah to conceive in her old age back then, he can do it now.
One of the Single women on the panel noted that “Marriage is very fashionable and trendy these days.” If you look at magazines or watch entertainment TV [I don’t watch that nonsense] you’ll see that it’s all about who is engaged, who is getting married, who is getting divorced and who is pregnant and then we’re subjected to photos of their babies. It’s now front page news even though men and women have been getting married and having babies for hundreds of years.
It’s okay for you guys!! For women it doesn’t’ matter how successful society says you are, if you’re not married with a kid or two by 30-35 than they will think there is something wrong with you and they will start putting pressure on you to settle down regardless of if you’re ready or not. So don’t be surprised when you’re dating a women and she wants to know “where things are going.” When you’re “not sure yet” and she ends the relationship, it’s probably because she really doesn’t have the time or the energy to waste, so try to be understanding and be as upfront and honest as possible about your intentions from the beginning.
When the KC Women were asked how they deal with getting attention from multiple men, the responses were mixed. When I was on the panel I said “attention from multiple men was awkward” and I’m very shy and I get really embarrassed when it comes to male attention, so for me the friendship route is a lot less awkward and that way you can get to know each other with NO PRESSURE!! That’s my motto in life. No one wants the pressure!! One lady who is courting said she secretly liked the attention when she was single and said it can be easy to be caught up in the attention. Another lady said she tried not to behave differently towards the men who were showing they liked her and tried to treat them in the same way especially when she is trying to get to know them. She also tried not to lead any of them on by being “open and honest”. Ultimately, if our end goal is marriage then at the end of the day regardless of the attention from multiply people, it’s not about playing games anymore, it’s about forming real friendships and pursuing relationships with those who you intend to marry.
Another question that was asked was: “At what stage do you decide to commit to a man?” This was directed to the engaged and married women. Again, the responses were mixed but one thing that was mentioned is that they wanted his character to be tested through trials, so we’re not just looking at the external we want to see character though actions rather than words. Also, they were looking at biblical based relationships for guidance such as Isaac & Rebecca (Genesis 24) and Ruth & Boaz (Ruth 2). The Bible is our blueprint for life. I’d get studying if I were you!!
Guys we are in this together!!! Women have to deal with sexual temptation too while single and it’s even HARDER when courting. It’s a time to show discipline and self-control and to have the mindset to honour God with the relationship with our bodies which belong to God who paid the ultimate price for us. I know ‘some women’ can be THIRSTY so you guys have to keep your guards up too when it comes to physical temptation. “When you discuss what causes temptation, you’re more likely to be in a situation where you don’t have to flee,” one of the engaged ladies said.
The women on the panel came up with some handy solutions:
1) Remember that the relationship is about honouring God;
2) Be open and honest and talking upfront about what will cause sexual temptation;
3) Set boundaries;
4) Avoid being alone if it causes too much temptation; and
5) Be accountable to a friend, pastor or leader.
All this sounds great and is great theory but putting it into practice will be challenging.
The truth is all of this is impossible to achieve in our own strength and ability. We need the Holy Spirit to help and guide us in our friendships, courting, engagement and in marriage. As John 14: 26 says “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.” Men, let’s endeavour to utilise this help fully.
Even though it’s both the man and women’s responsibility to avoid sexual temptation while single/courting, the women are looking at the men to lead them by example. Even when we’re married temptations will come so if you have the self-discipline to say NO and walk away while single/courting then you know you’re be more likely to do this in marriage which is the ultimate goal. We want to see to see your fruit before we marry you! By their fruit you will recognise them.
“Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit…” Matthew 7:16.
By Stacy Irish