I guess it’s true: “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus;” we think and see things differently. As a response to this, the Kingdom Connections team tried to help us ladies out and had a panel of two Single KC Men, a man who was courting and a married man to try and provide some well needed insight into what they’re thinking and how they see the wonderful world of Christian dating.
Sooo ladies I know you’ve thought at one point: “Why are the guys at KC taking so long to pursue?” There are loads of beautiful women of God of all shapes and sizes, so why don’t they just choose one and pursue? What is the issue? One of the single KC Men said that the perception that there is a plethora of choice in women is actually “an illusion”.
My first thought was “You have got to be kidding me!” as I sat on my seat with my mouth wide open. He said men of God are looking deeper than at the women’s looks, clothes, jobs etc. They actually want something deeper. They need to ensure that she aligns with his purpose and vision. Some guys will know from day one who their wife will be and others “will take their time” to talk to all the ladies to narrow down who best aligns with their purpose and what God has called them to do. He said that if there was so much choice of women then technically all of the men would be in a relationship by now and they’re not, which means that they’re still trying to figure out which rib fits their rib cage.
In order for the KC men to do this they have to know who they are and have a spirit of discernment to know who the best fit is for them. So before they pursue, it will take time to get to know themselves first and the women they are interested in pursuing!
A question directed to all the men was: “What is a turn off for men?” They all unanimously said disrespect while shouting in agreement. Showing respect in our actions and words is something that is very important to them. One of the single guys said that when a man approaches a KC Woman, she doesn’t need to be so cold and rude, so I guess we need to think more about what we say and how we say it.
One of the married men gave some priceless insight of his experience of marriage. When asked how his wife helps him to fulfil his purpose, he said “she listens to him, believes in him and showers him with words of encouragement”. Moreover, she often tells him that “he can do all things though Christ who strengthens him” (Philippians 4:13). Her words of encouragement help him to continue pursuing his purpose particularly, when things are hard or go wrong. These were wise words.
He was also asked “How realistic was your expectations of your wife before marriage and how has it changed?” He said “If you can’t handle disappointment then don’t get married. God teaches you stuff through disappointment.” He thought the he’d be having sex all the time during his honeymoon in Hawaii but that didn’t happen because they had an argument. He grew up with the expectation that his wife would do all the cooking and he’d come home after a long day at work to his dinner on the table but that didn’t happen. Instead, because of their work schedules, he is the one who does most of the cooking because he gets home earlier. His expectations of marriage have subsequently changed.
It looks like we need to go into marriage with an open mind. Pastor Bayo went on to say that Single Christian Women should not make too many concrete plans because our roles will change. Our first role is to be a helpmate!! “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18.
So Ladies, the general consensus among the men was that they are seriously looking for their wife not a girlfriend or a lover, which will take time to figure out who is or isn’t the best fit. The men said that if they do approach women and they go on a few dates, asking “Where things are going?’ at that point may be a little premature as they still don’t know yet and they’re getting to know the person.
They also said it’s the MAN’s job to pursue not the Women’s. The bible says “HE who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord,” Proverbs 18:22.
When a man pursues a woman it takes effort and hard work, so if we deny him of that we are not giving him opportunity to show that he will work hard to pursue and make the relationship work. They said it’s okay to let a guy know that you like him by positioning yourself but ultimately, they are the ones who should be pursuing.
By Stacy Irish